I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is it because I queefed?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
