my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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