I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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