'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
