Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
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I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
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I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!