At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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