I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.