there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.