you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...