I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
