6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
