Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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