I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
