Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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