Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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