I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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