I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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