dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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