I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
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Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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