yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
