i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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