Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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