Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
