how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
