So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She swung at the pinata with crutches
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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