Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
