Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
