She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
