this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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