I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize