And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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