so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
