WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Is it because I queefed?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
