Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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