my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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