Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
