Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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