Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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