Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
