My sheets look like a crime scene.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
