I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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