I bet he comes in French.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
