suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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