hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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