things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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