How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize