is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My penis needs a shock collar
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.