And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
