Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Randomize
