SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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