needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
