Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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