4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
