At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
