8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
