I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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