can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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