Plan B is the new Plan A
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
