Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
