There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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