what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
barbara walters just said penis...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize