woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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