i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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