Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
