god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
