Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
