i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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