Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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